let the sun fall down over me

I am drinking cold water. It always tastes sweeter in a water bottle.

Today I went to the Shedd Aquarium.



Sea Otters are the greatest part of the Earth.

I want to live in Chicago. I love being here, even though my grandmother is the most obnoxious person in my life. I really hate going on vacation with her. She's a gossiping, mean, shallow, lazy woman who I really don't want to do anything. She assumes because she spends thousands of dollars on my brother and I that we have to love her. It's easier to love her when you don't have to spend 24/7 with her.

Anyways.

Chicago. Beautiful. Perfect.

;]

i am human/am i human

sometimes I lie to remind myself I'm human
but it never is enough

sometimes I scream to remind myself I'm human
but it hardly is enough

sometimes I lie in bed naked to remind myself I'm human
but it's really not enough

sometimes I hurt other people to remind myself I'm human
but it sometimes isn't enough

sometimes I suck on my arm until
all the blood pools under my skin

it
usually
is
enough





why is the human race eternally
fucked
up
?

distance

My boyfriend is so far away.

Some days its harder than others. Some days it seems everyone has a boyfriend. I see the hand holding, the little looks, the embraces, the pure joy that only proximity brings. The countless conversations one holds without any words. The things you miss when you don't see someone for months and months at a time.

The intelligent thing to do would be find someone who lives here, right?

What to do when no one compares to the way Charlie makes me feel? Nothing is better, nothing is sweeter, he is my bliss. Even if this is just infatuation (which, after 2.7 years, I severely doubt it's just that), I am confident enough to say that he is one of the deepest friendships I've ever had. If this isn't love, I'm not sure it could get any better. He and I, we're closer than family. He deeply understands me and I him. Separately, we are two kids. But the magic we make when we're together - I can't just give it up.

Nothing will change, so the most I can do it try to find someone here, someone else.

It gets so lonely sometimes.

poetry

"intoxicated on the way you sound" the moment i saw you a familiar song filled the air your voice, a warm concave your eyes felt like so much home when you spoke to me, i shook when you laughed my knees felt weak our moment was over you turned left, and i turned right you forgot about me as the day ended but your face never left my mind even after days and nights our familiar song prevailed now i see you again nervous eye contact was made the corners of my mouth give way and you acknowledged with your eyes you're always there i just want you for my own

"ashes to ashes, we’re all knocked up!" hopeless thoughts all around us we're all drowning in doubt in a sea of regret i'm fucking praying for drought in the sky i see lies towards the ground are our dreams as the rain falls fast, hard open wide, see the scene: drunken parties and sex who kissed who? who's the worst? and we all cry far too much your failure isn't a first in a world that's desensitzed we're just ants in a row in our worlds we're the kings and the queens our titles aren't just for show in the sky i see lies towards the ground are our dreams as the rain falls fast, hard open wide, see the scene: those awful liars and fakes! you're one of them, you're the worst! he said, "i drink far too much and you're not quite my first" so in this world of disgrace is there any hope of a life when you don't have to lie when they don't stop to scoff i want your eyes on the prize set yourself straight i want you to set yourself straight try again just for me

It has been ages.

I am a junior in high school. The year of commitment, the year of new upperclassmenship, the year of college applications.

I am still in the same old problem, the same old relationship. The stupid, worn down, sick relationship that sticks to my lungs like cigarette smoke. When we can get out of something, we never want to. But when we want to, we can't.

I want out. But I can't forget you.